Recently I finished reading a book about good manners, it was also the first book written in Romanian that I read. It took me some time to finish reading because of my habit to start to read a few books at a same time. Certainly I'll reread it someday, the book surely deserves that.
Here is a short story about the first polite man 🙂 He was a cave man, who stopped shouting to announce to others that he found food..when he saw that close to him were sleeping a woman with a baby in her hands. We can't know for sure, no matter how much imagination we have if.. he asked for an apology 🙂 The good manners include wide specter of rules or better to say recommendations that we should respect in everyday life and in our relations with other people if we want to be consider as polite people.
There are no laws which will punish you if you laugh too loud, if you speak too much and too loud or if you stayed too much when visiting your friends or relatives. At least not in our country. But once will come a moment when you ask yourself why you are not invited to visit some family anymore..
This time I would like to talk about how we address other people, when we use an intimate way of calling people and when we use official way. In the both Serbian and Romanian languages we have two different ways to addressing to people depending what relation we have with them, their ages,.. In English the polite form of "you" is also "you".
There are two rules, according to the book, when we can cross the border from addressing to people from more formal way to an informal way. The first rule says that we can take the decision to talk to someone in an intimate way if we are sure that the other person wants that too. The second rule says that this decision should first be taken by the older one, the hierarchically superior or the lady. This sounds logical to me.
But in everyday life it happens often that people who don't know me well call me "you (girl)", while I'm shopping, in public transport, on a street,..even some my neighbors. I don't like that, it's like lack of respect.
When I went to the dentist I talk to her in the formal way, showing my respect, even if she is a year or two younger than me, until she told we can speak with "you" 😀
There is a one elegant solution I plan to try in communication with not so polite people.
We should try to prolong a conversation and use often a formal form for addressing, and accentuate that word a bit. If this doesn't work..then at least you tried.