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About good manners

30 May

Recently I finished reading a book about good manners, it was also the first book written in Romanian that I read. It took me some time to finish reading because of my habit to start to read a few books at a same time. Certainly I'll reread it someday, the book surely deserves that.

Here is a short story about the first polite man 🙂 He was a cave man, who stopped shouting to announce to others that he found food..when he saw that close to him were sleeping a woman with a baby in her hands. We can't know for sure, no matter how much imagination we have if.. he asked for an apology 🙂 The good manners include wide specter of rules or better to say recommendations that we should respect in everyday life and in our relations with other people if we want to be consider as polite people.

There are no laws which will punish you if you laugh too loud, if you speak too much and too loud or if you stayed too much when visiting your friends or relatives. At least not in our country. But once will come a moment when you ask yourself why you are not invited to visit some family anymore..

This time I would like to talk about how we address other people, when we use an intimate way of calling people and when we use official way. In the both Serbian and Romanian languages we have two different ways to addressing to people depending what relation we have with them, their ages,.. In English the polite form of "you" is also "you".

There are two rules, according to the book, when we can cross the border from addressing to people from more formal way to an informal way. The first rule says that we can take the decision to talk to someone in an intimate way if we are sure that the other person wants that too. The second rule says that this decision should first be taken by the older one, the hierarchically superior or the lady. This sounds logical to me.

But in everyday life it happens often that people who don't know me well call me "you (girl)", while I'm shopping, in public transport, on a street,..even some my neighbors. I don't like that, it's like lack of respect.

When I went to the dentist I talk to her in the formal way, showing my respect, even if she is a year or two younger than me, until she told we can speak with "you" 😀
There is a one elegant solution I plan to try in communication with not so polite people.
We should try to prolong a conversation and use often a formal form for addressing, and accentuate that word a bit. If this doesn't work..then at least you tried.

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17 Comments

Posted by on May 30, 2010 in Uncategorized

 

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17 responses to “About good manners

  1. gdare

    May 31, 2010 at 6:05 am

    I don`t like when, in my job, customers try to talk to me in personal way, like we know each other for ages. Because I know they do that in order to get better terms from me. Like that would help, anyway 😛

     
  2. AnitaMargita

    May 31, 2010 at 1:05 pm

    Sounds like a really interesting book. :up:I agree, there should be clear border when to use formal and when informal ways of addressing. Parents should show example to their children. Family is No 1 in showing good manners to their kids, at least, that is what it should be like…

     
  3. WinterForLady

    May 31, 2010 at 5:05 pm

    Thank you :happy: I made it in http://www.picnik.com/

     
  4. AnitaMargita

    May 31, 2010 at 5:05 pm

    Will tell you. :)By the way, very nice postcard! :up:

     
  5. WinterForLady

    May 31, 2010 at 5:05 pm

    @Darko- I wouldn't like that too 🙂 I just want to be treated like I treat others.@Anchi- Thank you, I think it is 🙂 I agree that family has a major role :up: Does it bother you if someone you don't know well call you in an informal way?

     
  6. AnitaMargita

    May 31, 2010 at 6:05 pm

    You are welcome. 🙂 Thanks for the link, I'll :sherlock: it. 😀

     
  7. thetomster

    June 2, 2010 at 8:06 am

    :up: what a good post, Mira! I enjoyed reading a lot … and I have to say that it's difficult sometimes dealing with more than one way to address people … in Germany there are 2 ways, personal "Du" or formal "Sie" … and of course I don't like it to be addressed in a personal way by people I don't really know and don't like. at office I think it's a matter of professional distance to keep it in the right and polite ways … no matter how many years are between people.as well I experienced how lucky we are here having only 2 ways … in Indonesia there are so many ways related to age and social status that it gets a little difficult if you are not really familiar with all the rules.:right: good manners are hard to find :left: …

     
  8. WinterForLady

    June 2, 2010 at 9:06 pm

    Danke schön, Dirk :happy: Originally posted by thetomster:

    at office I think it's a matter of professional distance to keep it in the right and polite ways … no matter how many years are between people.

    I agree.I guess it takes some time to get used to on different rules 🙂 Is it Indonesian language hard to learn?

     
  9. thetomster

    June 3, 2010 at 2:06 am

    😉 MIra, Indonesian hard to learn? no, technically it isn't hard. it's a "simple" language, no t so many words, the pronunciation is mostly like it's written and there are many words that are familiar because it is influenced by the Dutch language. what makes it a little tricky is: there's hardly anyone to be found who really speaks slowly enough so you could follow 🙂 … after a little while I mostly get the meaning of a short conversation without knowing all the words … but then, just at the very moment I begin to understand … they switch to another dialect, for example from Indonesia to Javanese … and then … :sherlock: I feel a little lost … 😀

     
  10. studio41

    June 5, 2010 at 9:06 am

    "because of my habit to start to read a few books at a same time." I am the same way, Mira… much of the time :)I'm afraid we (Joe & myself) come from very informal families… some manners are very lacking, too, I might add. I must remember that in many other places in the world there is formality. it was this way when I visited France… the language, too, "tu" versus "vous"…and, I must continue to try to teach my children what is best, even when I have failed.I would never try to get a good deal from Darko, though, rest assured, I would insist on paying full price. 😀

     
  11. gdare

    June 5, 2010 at 9:06 am

    😀

     
  12. studio41

    June 5, 2010 at 8:06 pm

    😀 but… if Darko wanted to buy a product/service from me in business, I might require him to sing for it! :sing: :yes:

     
  13. gdare

    June 6, 2010 at 6:06 am

    I would, but expect a torture 😀

     
  14. WinterForLady

    June 7, 2010 at 4:06 pm

    Jill, I guess we read more books at a same time because we are curious or impatient 🙂 Dear, I think you are great mother and very polite lady :heart:Do you speak French? Originally posted by gdare:

    I would, but expect a torture

    😆

     
  15. studio41

    July 9, 2010 at 7:07 am

    Originally posted by gdare:

    but expect a torture

    😆 Mira, thank you so much! you are too kind for sure. I speak a little french – un peu… and you?!… I forget…

     
  16. WinterForLady

    July 9, 2010 at 5:07 pm

    No, I wish I speak French 🙂 I know just a few phrases. Un peu in Romanian is un pic 😀 They are both latin languages, but Romanian is easier than French to me.

     
  17. studio41

    August 8, 2010 at 9:08 am

    🙂 ok

     

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